I throw down my mat feeling the weight of my world on my shoulders. I stand in mountain pose and close my eyes, I bring my hands to my heart reminding myself why I take the time to do this. I start my breathing. Slow full inhale, slow full exhale….repeat. Once I feel the oxygen reach my brain I begin to move with the full breathing. Sun salutes, I hate them. I’m now feeling all that I don’t like about having a body and think “what’s the point of doing all this? It’s so much work to have a body. I recall the comfort of drinking, eating and watching movies. The human body can run on it’s own just fine, I don’t need this yoga shit. I’m perfectly fine with my own little preoccupation.”
Ten minutes pass I become Okay with putting some effort into it. But I’m really starting to feel the magnitude of my, bad habits, attachments and irritability that has been so familiar to me. I feel the weight in my chest, brain and every 42 year old joint in my body. I keep breathing because I’ve been here before, many times, and I know how to move into and through it. I keep breathing! No matter how hard it is I WILL have a breakthrough today on my mat. 20 minutes in and my blood is warm, thin and saturated with oxygen. I remember now, I recall the reasons I’ve devoted a large part of my life to practicing and teaching yoga. Now I’m ready to practice Hatha Yoga.
Nick -
I’m really bummed that your leaving Portland. I don’t know you, I’ve only taken 4 classes with you, yet I feel a sense of loss. This means you have true talent!! Your abiltiy to connect and empower is a gift. I wish you happiness on your journey.
Anna-Marie
Did I ever thank you for this message? I hope I didn’t forget about you. I just re-read your words. Thank you so much. The gesture means so much to me. namaste, sista.
Find me on facebook for updates on when I’ll be back in pdx to teach workshops.
-n